Our Little April Fool

Pregnancy tricks are pretty common on April Fool's Day. So last year, when we found out we were having baby #4 on April 1st, I thought surely it was some sort of joke. Does God play April Fool's tricks too?!

Of course, we are so in love with our little guy and can't imagine our family without him now. But, then? Well . . . 

After throwing up for weeks, I had chalked it up to the stress of my mom's situation, combined with my tendency to skip meals when I was going back and forth to the hospital. When Rich suggested that I may be pregnant, I thought he was crazy, but I took a test in late March to check. It was negative. This confirmed my thoughts that I was just stressed out. I knew the stress wouldn't subside, as we had just learned of my mom's stage IV cancer diagnosis. Trying to relax was not a likely solution, so I made it a point to not miss any more meals. 

The nausea didn't stop and my clothes were now beginning to get tight. Crap. So on the evening of 4/1/14, I took another test. That time, the positive result appeared so quickly, I nearly fainted. I was a huge ball of emotions, but mostly I was just thinking it must be wrong and that this could not be happening at that moment. Our plates were full, the surrounding placemat was also full, the tables were full. Full, full, full.

Immediately, I was worried about how I would have time for a baby while I was taking care of my mom. Because, yes, at that time, even though the oncologist told us her case was terminal, I didn't want to believe him. Doctors are wrong all the time, right?! Pregnancy tests are wrong too. Plates were full and everyone/everything was wrong. 

Then, everything else hit me. How would we add one more human being to our already crazy home?! How could we afford it? How would I deal with all the judgements and comments: "I thought you were done? Don't you guys use protection? You know how this happens, right?!" Yes to all three of those questions. And yes, we were asked each of them, several times, by various people. How does that phrase go? If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Ha ha, God, ha ha. 

I threw the stupid pregnancy stick on the ground and screamed at the top of my lungs. I stomped downstairs to tell Rich the news. Oh great, I thought, how am I going to tell the man who initially didn't even want a third child that we were now going to have a fourth?! 

I must've looked like a hot mess because when he saw me, he just hugged me. That was happening a lot during that time - me a hot mess, him there to support me. In fact, he had pretty much taken over with the kids so that I could be with my mom as much as possible. I know it wasn't easy and he was exhausted. So, I was not looking forward to telling a sleep-deprived zombie that we would have yet another one to keep us up all night. 

When I finally got the words out, I expected him to scream like I had just done. But, no, his reaction reminded me why I married him. And why even though his laid back attitude can drive me crazy sometimes (why can't you just do it noooowwww?!), it is exactly what I need to balance out my high strung nature. He held me and said, "We can do this. We are a team and we can do this. Remember when you told me we were having Kirra and I was upset at first? Look at what a blessing she has been to our family. I'm so happy we have her and I love her more than I ever thought possible. It will be the same with this little one too. Don't worry." 

When we lost my mom less than three weeks later, Rich told me that God sent the new baby to us to give me one more person to support me through the loss. He reflected back to the passing of his own mom and how that first year was the hardest. 

As my mom's one-year-anniversary approaches, I look back to the hardest year I have ever experienced. But, I also look at my little angel and I am so grateful to him. Grateful for keeping me busy. Grateful for giving me a reason to take six months off to be with my family during a time when I needed it most. Grateful that I have another sweet child to carry on my mom's legacy. Grateful for our little April Fool. 

Naming our Keikis

Poor, neglected blog. It's been over two years since my last post. Boy oh boy (and girl and boy) what a crazy two years it has been! We've been busy popping out babies over here, and I get a lot of questions and comments about their names. Most comments are nice, but some people can't help themselves and say some odd things too. Like, "how come the names don't go together?" Oh, I'm sorry, but we aren't the Kardashians. We're not interested in having our kids' names match. Not that there is anything wrong with that. That's just not something that was important to us.

Kai Noah - we named Kai the same day we found out we were having a boy, after my 12-week ultrasound. We had always loved that name and the meaning (ocean). We briefly debated naming him Kainoa, and then just calling him Kai. But, we decided to separate Noah into his middle name and go with the biblical version, rather than the Hawaiian spelling. Plus, that particular Noah knew a thing or two about the ocean himself. I think you see where we're going with the rest of these.

Evan Makua - Evan's name took a bit longer to decide on. Rich had mentioned liking the name when Kai was still a baby, and said if we ever had another boy, that it should be a contender.  I liked the name Blake, but I lost that battle . . . that time. Evan is a form of John, and means "God is gracious." God certainly was gracious to us at Evan's birth. He wasn't breathing when he was first born, due to having the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. But after a few extra days in the hospital, and with lots of TLC and care from his wonderful doctors and nurses, he was perfectly fine. Makua is the name of a beach on Kauai (aka Tunnels). We spent time there before and after our wedding (surfing, snorkeling, swimming), so it has special meaning to us.

Kirra Anne - we've had this name picked out for a girl since before we were married. Kirra is a surf break in Australia (this is why we spell it this way and not with an "e"). Those who know Rich, know he has been to Australia a few times and has surfed that very spot. Another reason I liked the name is that it sounds like my mom's. One of the meanings of Kirra is "sunlight," and she certainly is a little ray of sunshine. Anne was my mother-in-law's middle name.

Blake Cortez - Blake's was the first pregnancy that we chose not to find out the sex, so we figured we would just come up with a name for each. Of course, we had a girl's name picked out immediately (it would've been Isla Corazon, in case you are wondering), but we were having trouble agreeing on a boy's name. We knew we wanted to honor my mom and have her name incorporated somehow, and we finally agreed on Cortez as a middle name. It had elements of my mom's name and followed our ocean/water theme (and yes, you guessed it, Rich has surfed the Sea of Cortez many times). It means "courteous," which I thought was nice. One of the many, many great qualities my mom possessed that I hope is passed on to her grandson she wasn't able to meet. For a first name, we almost went with Zane. Kai picked that out and we liked it, but then I googled "Zane Austin," and we decided not to name our baby after a porn site. Actually, the site is Austin Zane . . . but still, it's the first thing that pops up. I was still pushing for Blake from when I liked it before, but Rich wasn't completely sold. He was convinced we were having a girl, so he said it didn't matter anyway. When Blake was born and he was a HE, we still hadn't agreed, but Rich looked over to me and said, "you pick his name; I'm happy he's healthy and will love whatever you decide on." Blake has different meanings - I've seen "someone with dark hair or skin" to the opposite of "someone with pale hair or skin." As I looked down at my newest baby boy, completely covered in pale white vernix with a thick head of dark black hair, I knew he was our Blake.

So there you have it; that's how we came up with their names. Good thing we're done having babies because we were running out of surf spots that sounded normal as names. Baby Cloudbreak would just be plain mean.

Shades of Pink

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is here and this year I'm starting a new challenge. I will try to wear something pink every single day for the entire month. One week in and so far, so good . . . we'll see how I do toward the end of the month. I'm sure some of my shades of pink are questionable, but I'm hopeful that by wearing pink every day, I can make more people aware of this important month. And, hey, if I run out of pink things to wear . . . it's a good excuse to shop for more, right?! ;)

So many companies offer special products during the month of October that donate proceeds to breast cancer research and each year it seems more and more are added to the list.  I love it!

Here's a roundup of my favorite ways to shop and support the cause this year.  All of the items below donate a portion of the proceeds to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation.


LOFT - Live in Pink Collection - this year's collection at LOFT includes items by recent breast cancer survivor (and new mom), Giuliana Rancic. You can also buy a LOFT Cares card. For $25, you will receive 20% off every purchase of $100 or more or 25% off every purchase or more when you use your LOVE LOFT or Ann Taylor Card. 90% of the card's purchase price is donated to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

Choose from several super cute pink kisses items through Donate with a Kiss at ULTA . I couldn't resist the umbrella, which you receive for a contribution of $10 ($6.50 of which goes to the cause) - I MIGHT even tolerate the rain now.

COACH for a Cause includes selected styles that support breast cancer research, like this adorable Madison chain clutch.

Target offers the Proudly Pink 5-pc Brush Set from breast cancer survivor, Sonia Kashuk.

Clinique's Pink with a Purpose includes a limited edition chubby stick that comes with a carrying case.




There are a ton of other products out there that you can purchase this month to help ensure that a cure WILL be found!

My new friend, Mindy Kaling

I recently read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling and I really enjoyed it! I haven't had that many laugh-out-loud moments while reading a book in a long time. It was recommended by a friend and I have now decided that she and I should hunt Mindy down so she can be our friend too. I think she would love us. 

Mindy (I'm already on a first name basis with my new friend) is hilarious, which doesn't come as a surprise being that she is a writer on The Office and plays the part of Kelly Kapoor so well. Btw, she is nothing like her character. So if you were questioning your own friendship with me based on the fact that I want to be friends with an annoying, immature, and overly dramatic girl who says things like, "I can't get anything lately unless I threaten to kill myself," rest assured that she is nothing like her character on the show. Except for her love of shopping and the color pink. But those are, of course, good qualities for a friend to have.

I read her book after I finished The Hunger Games trilogy. And although I absolutely loved that series, it was nice to read something more "sunshine and rainbows" after all of the starving, blood, and death. Like she says, "This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It's mostly pink. If you're reading this book every night for months, something is not right."

Here are a few of my favorite quotes and excerpts:

"There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." 

Amen, sister! Often times while on vacation, I have told Rich to wake me up early the next day so I an see the sunrise. When he gets up to Dawn Patrol (early morning surf session), I nearly rip off his face when he suggests that I wake up to see the beautiful sunrise. Did he just meet me?!  I love to sleep!!  Who gave him the ridiculous idea that I would want to do that?! Oh, right . . . I gave him that ridiculous idea. How dare he oblige.

"If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness." 

I don't know how to knit, crochet, or even sew. I have always wanted to learn, but everything else seems to get in the way. I even tried to buy a sewing machine for myself a few months ago, so I could learn. After months of getting e-mails regarding the delay of my order, I finally received a refund plus a $20 gift card with an apology for my order never being filled. See, even the stores who sell sewing machines don't want my money. I guess it's not in the cards for me. I will just attribute it to me not wanting to appear as if I'm being idle.

"As an adult, I've met an ocean of divorced people. I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you're engaged it simply means you're publicly announcing that you are dating a person monagamishly." 

So sad. So true. I get bummed out when I hear that someone is getting divorced. Even when I don't know them very well. I know it's weird, but I am just such a fan of love and when love isn't enough to conquer all, it makes me really sad. Also makes me think of an image that has been a popular Pinterest pin. 

All in all, a great book that made me feel happy. I highly recommend it! 

Happy Accidents

A hilarious (yet utterly embarrassing) incident at work today further solidified Rich thinking of me as the clumsiest person he knows. I walked straight into a file cabinet. Not a little nudge with my hip or tap with my shoulder. No. It was full-body contact. And it was in front of an audience. Awesome! Thankfully, a very kind audience who didn't make me feel like a total idiot.  Instead, one of the nice gals (who I see all the time and have always thought looks like a kind person, but now I know for sure that she is) says to me, "Oh, people do that all the time." Somehow, I highly doubt that. But, it was sweet of her to try to make me feel better.

I have had a long history of doing completely klutzy things. Thankfully, none of them have seriously injured me, but have instead created very funny memories. Like the time Rich and I were lying in bed talking. I rolled over to sleep on my side and overshot my roll, ending up face-down on the floor.  Between fits of laughter, he expressed his concern about me being hurt. After he was done cry-laughing, he proceeded to lecture me on how I need to be careful because with my track record, I am well on my way to being a prime candidate for a hip replacement when I'm older. I wasn't even 30 at the time, and now I had to worry about hip replacement surgery?!

I will never forget what one of my ballet teachers told a group of us during class one day. She said that dancers were usually the clumsiest people when they are outside of the studio because we were used to being so precise and controlled when performing, that when we were just out and about in the real world, our guard was down.

Even though it has been many, many years since I've danced in a studio. I still like to think that this applies to me. So, when you see me crash into something, just remember - it's because I'm a dancer.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it . . . or falling face first into it.

Finding the Silver Lining

I've been back at work for a little over two weeks now, and . . . it. totally. sucks. I wasn't expecting it to be awesome or anything, but being through it once before, I thought I would be able to keep my emotions in check. Luckily, I've been able to keep it together while I'm in the office. But I've been a complete mess at home.  My breakdowns are not helpful for anyone, so rather than getting completely depressed, I've decided to put together a list of the positives to help me get through the tough days.

1.  Obviously, getting a paycheck is a good thing. It was nice to finally see something in the deposit column on my online bank statement. I know how lucky I am to even have a job in this economy.

2.  Showering every day is greatly appreciated by my husband.

3.  Being able to pee alone, behind a closed door . . .'nuff said.

4.  Even more alone time in the mother's room. 15 minutes, 3 times a day, of quiet (well, except for the sound of the pump motor). 

5.  My snack drawer (aka the office "pantry") is pretty awesome.

6.  Working out with DVDs at home is much better for my self-esteem than taking Pure Barre with all of the super skinny, fit ladies who don't even break a sweat . . . while I'm counting down the minutes of torture to muscles I didn't even know I had.

7.  No more feeling guilty about not getting enough done around the house, not having cooked enough, not finishing enough books, or not making all of those Pinterest inspirations I keep meaning to get around to. 

8. I've been able to avoid having a Social Media intervention, since my time on FB, Pinterest, FourSquare, and Twitter is now limited.  

9. My co-workers (well, most of them) have given me such a warm welcome. It is nice to come back feeling missed and appreciated. 

10. Kai loves his school and learns so much from his amazing teachers.

11. My boys and I get to spend time with the most wonderful mom & grandma. We are so unbelievably blessed to have my mom. 

There, I feel better now. Of course, it does help that tomorrow is a holiday. :)

Mother's Boys

I recently saw this list of 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons posted on Facebook. It is a great post that has inspired these thoughts about my life as a mom of boys . . .

I am one hundred percent all girl. From the time I was a little girl living in an all pink bedroom, playing with my extensive Barbie collection, almost always wearing dresses (usually with ruffles), and dreaming of being a ballerina . . . to my adult days of working in the fashion and bridal industries, I have always been so happy to be surrounded by all things girl. But, ever since we found out we were having our first boy, I knew my girly ways may need to change.

I remember telling a friend when we found out our first bundle of joy was going to be a boy, and she said, "darn, you would make such a good mom to a girl." I know she didn't mean this as an insult (did she?), but it got me freaked out a bit. Not only was I going to be a first-time mom learning everything about how to care for a little one, but now I had to learn about all sorts of boy things. Eeeew.

When Kai was a baby, there really wasn't anything notably "boy" that made me feel like I had to do differently (okay, except for his penis, of course). I fed him, burped him, changed his diapers, made his food, played with him, read stories with him, and did all sorts of fun baby things that I didn't think would've been any other way if we had a girl instead. Okay, I thought, I can totally handle this "mom of a boy" thing.

It wasn't until Kai was about a year old, when he handed me a snail he found outside, that I knew I really would have to learn to get messy with the boys. As I looked down at that slimy, dirty, little creature in my hand, what I really wanted to do was scream, throw that thing on the ground, and stomp on it (that's right, you heard me, PETA). But, seeing Kai look up at me, so proud to have found the perfect snail for his mama, how could I possibly be grossed out at his sweet gesture?! That snail became the cutest little thing, and oddly enough, I now enjoy looking at the adorable little guys and fondly remembering that day with Kai.

I think I'm just going to have to get used to bugs, dirt, and messy rooms because they are going to surround me for awhile. Even our dog is male and leaves his chew toys all over the place, so I'm pretty much screwed (you know, because if he was a female dog, the toys would be neatly put away, right?!) . . .

My aunt gave me a card with a copy of the poem below after we had Evan and I think it sums up the way my life is going to be (minus the part about having FOUR boys, so don't get any ideas). 

Mother's Boys

Yes I know there are stains on my carpet,

the traces of small muddy boots,

and I see your fairy tapestry glowing,

all spotless with blossoms and fruits!

And I know that my walls are disfigured,

with prints of small fingers and hands.

And that your own household whiteness

all fresh in its purity stands.

And I know that my parlor is littered

with many old treasures and toys, 

while your own is in daintiest order, 

unharmed by the presence of boys!

And I know that my room is invaded

quite boldly all hours of the day,

while you sit in your own unmolested,

and dream the soft quiet way.

Yes I know there are four little bedsides

where I must stand watchful each night.

While you may go out in your carriage

and flash in your dresses so bright!

Now I think I'm a neat little woman,

I like my house orderly too;

and I am fond of all dainty belongings, 

Yet I would not change places with you!

No! Keep your fair home with its order,

its freedom from bother and noise!

And keep your own fanciful leisure,

but give me my four splendid boys!